Change Is Coming
Lesson One: Movement and Space
Wow—that’s a broad theme, right?
I mean, movement covers everything from how we walk to where we live, how we get where we want to go, our views regarding travel, our desire to change locations or shift perspectives, and our attachment to place.
Space includes the area directly surrounding our bodies—our personal space—as well as what we incorporate in our living areas, how we feel in closed vs. open spaces, our views regarding distance between work and home or between us and our loved ones, and our attachment to size in all its variations.
You can learn a tremendous amount about your values, your habits, and your attachments by digging into movement and space.
This first lesson includes simple questions with fairly straightforward answers. The next lessons will encourage you to examine more abstract concepts.
Note: I really recommend doing these lessons with a buddy. There's a lot of potential for storytelling and epiphanies--and it's fun to share these with someone else!
Opening Story:
When I was a kid, I lived in a very small rural community--population 325. And I wasn't even a "townie"--I lived three miles outside of town on a dusty gravel road that meandered along fields and a few scattered houses.
In the summers, I worked in the fields alongside my friends-- strawberries, beans, cucumbers and on into the fall harvest of filberts and prunes. But the most coveted jobs were those in the onion fields--vast stretches of onions planted in mile-long rows in swaths separated by grassy dikes that stored irrigation water.
If you were lucky enough to work in the onion fields, you spent all day walking in the heat, straddling a row of onions and hoeing the two on either side of you. We walked for miles and miles in a single day in temperatures reaching over 100 degrees.
And then--I'd walk the three miles home along the dusty road.
Looking back, this amazes me. And what amazes me most is that it didn't seem unusual.
After all, most of us were between the ages of 13 and 15--we were not driving yet, and even those who had licenses didn't necessarily have a car at their disposal. Our parents never came to pick us up when our day was finished--we simply walked together to the local mom-and-pop, bought a coke or an ice cream as a treat, and started walking home in separate directions. There were no cell phones. Nobody would think to bother their parents by calling from the phone booth--it was laughable. Our parents--if they were home--would have told us to walk home.
But I had lots of time--when I was hot, tired, thirsty, and cranky--to consider the downside of this arrangement. During those long walks home, I swore I would never make my kids walk dusty gravel roads. I promised myself that I would live in the city where they could have access to all kinds of opportunities for both work and entertainment.
And eventually, I made good on that promise. I did spend some time living with my kids in small towns and suburbs in the US. But after our family sold everything in order to move abroad (all four daughters were teenagers at the time), we experienced the freedom of being car-free AND having the ability to get anywhere very easily and cheaply using various forms of public transportation--even in another language and culture! Our four daughters have become happy city girls who can navigate quite confidently and independently in any metropolitan area in the world. I haven't driven a car in years--and I couldn't be happier about it.
Of course, my daughters haven't had the experience of working in fields or hoeing onions, but as parents, it's our job to teach our kids how to prepare for their future rather than our past. For that matter, our task as individuals is to continually move forward, learning more about ourselves and the world in order to maximize our gifts and fulfill our potential. The more we pay attention, the easier it is to head in our own best direction!
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Share Your Story:
Think about a time in your life when you had to rely on someone else for transportation. What were your frustrations, if any? Did this arrangement change your ideas in any way about how you wanted to get around in the future? How important is it to you to have control over when, where and how you are able to travel? Tell a story about a trip during which you felt completely at the mercy of the person who was driving, guiding, or translating.
Remembering and sharing (or writing and reflecting upon) our stories helps us understand how our ideas may have been formed or altered by our experiences--and gives us clues about our own ability to adapt to new circumstances.
As you read the following questions, pause between each one to note whether you feel interested, excited, or in any way stressed by the digging it represents. (Hint: If so, it's a good place to start digging! Noticing that little flicker of somethin' is a KEY part of developing greater mindfulness.)
Read the entire list of questions first and notice which ones trigger memories or reactions. THEN you can go back and choose certain ones to focus on.
Okay, scan through these questions, pausing to watch your response, but don't take time to answer any of them yet:
1) How far do you walk on an average day?
Are you interested in increasing or decreasing the distance that you walk? Why?
Do you walk for exercise? For work? Both?
How often do you walk for the pure pleasure of getting out and seeing the world around you?
What types of areas do you prefer to explore--woods, beach, neighborhoods, city parks, etc.
2) How quickly do you walk when you are NOT walking for exercise?
Do you have a tendency to look down?
What is more likely to attract your attention—sounds or sights?
What specific sights capture your attention when you are on a pleasure walk--plants, cars, people, colors, houses?
What are you LEAST LIKELY to notice?
3) Do you ever choose to avoid walking?
If so, are you more likely to avoid walking depending on internal or external conditions—in other words, do you avoid it if you are tired, sore, sick, or unmotivated—or are you more likely to avoid it if it’s too far, too hot, too cold, too rainy, too windy, too humid, too noisy, or too crowded?
If you find that internal conditions limit your walking, how much control do you feel you have in changing how you feel?
If you find that external conditions limit your walking, how much control do you feel you have in changing these conditions or increasing your comfort level?
How would walking more frequently within two miles of your home alter your sense of place?
4) How far do you commute every day?
Would you rather increase or decrease the distance that you commute? Why?
What's your ideal distance between work/school and home?
What's preventing you from maintaining this ideal distance?
How much control do you feel you have in changing where you live, work or attend school?
How much time do you spend each day transporting others? (taking your kids to school, lessons, games...taking your cat to the vet, etc.)
How much control do you feel you have in changing where, how often and how far you must drive?
6) If someone asks you where you were raised, do you have a simple answer—or is it a complicated answer?
Where is “home” to you? What makes it feel like home--the amount of time you spent there, the things you own there, the people you know there, or some other deeper sense of place?
How much do you know about the plants, growing season, geography and history of the place you call home?
Is it important to you to learn more about where you live? Why or why not?
Do you think you will be living in your current location ten years from now? Why or why not?
7) What is the greatest distance that you have traveled away from home?
Have you ever experienced homesickness? What specifically did you miss—people, places, tastes, sounds, routines, the comforts of home?
Have you ever considered living abroad?
What excites or worries you about the idea?
If you had to move to another country, which one would you choose? Why?
8) How would you describe your ideal living location?
What elements are most important to you--proximity to amenities, friendly neighborhood, privacy, peace and quiet, nature, climate, proximity to metropolitan area, etc.?
If you were to find the perfect piece of property on which to build a home, what three characteristics (sunny, a view, privacy, etc.) would be most important to you?
How would you define a good neighbor?
Do you think of yourself as a good neighbor?
How important is it to you to know your neighbors?
10) What is the most difficult space for you to share with someone else--bathroom, office or bedroom? Why?
How important is it to you to have your things organized? Clean? Private?
11) How would you describe your need for personal space?
How do you respond to casual touching from those you do not know well—hand on the shoulder, pat on the back, squeeze of the hand, etc.?
Would you feel anxious or annoyed if you selected a seat in a nearly empty theater and someone you don’t know came and sat directly beside you? Behind you? In front of you?
Do you ever find yourself stepping back when someone is talking to you?
Are you likely to look straight ahead or down when you are waiting in line? In an elevator? On a bus or subway?
Can you sleep with your loved one comfortably?
Do you prefer to turn away or face your partner?
Do you prefer to be touching another person or not when sleeping?
Share Your Story:
Describe a time in which you felt frustrated about sharing space with someone else. What was the SINGLE MOST DIFFICULT aspect--the one little thing that drove you crazy? What would your perfect roommate love to do that you don't? (clean, organize, cook, shop, do laundry, etc.--but pick just ONE!
Now that you have read every question, go back and choose one or two numbered areas to consider in depth this week. Spend some time looking at the way you live and move around, and watch the way you respond to changes in movement and space.
Remember—you don’t need to come up with answers to every question, nor do you need to write a treatise on a particular one. This is simply an opportunity for you to pay attention to your values, habits and attachments and take a look at how they have shaped you.
Allow time for each of you (you and your course buddy!) to read the questions and consider them separately before coming together to discuss them.
USE the questions as a trigger for storytelling. Listen, share, and see what you discover!
